Roses are red, violets are red. Aaaaaahh! My garden's on fire!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

when life randomly gives u lemons, u should probably have a stand cuz people are gonna expect u to make lemonade

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Hey man. what? squidbillies.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Its about rewriting the laws of the universe and nothing less, yes yes theoretically the subconcious has unlimited potential (or at least potential we humans cannot theoretically comprehend nor define). But what if I can use my consciousness to trick my subconsciousness? What if I use the subconsciousness to trick the consciousness into tricking the subconciousness?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the little boy fall off his bike? His mother threw a washing machine at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

good pick up line hey baby have u seen my heart cuz i think you stole it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why is dog animal? it is not fish! 18 fits of has hair only have is Buddhist

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Larry the Cable Guy say "Git R Dun"? Because he thought it was funny, and so did a bunch of other people for some reason.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's brown and smells like paint? -Poop. I don't know why it smells like paint though..

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Knock Knock. Doors open

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is more difficult than trying to get blood from a stone? Trying to teach it Japanese in the process. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between your mom and a table? The table isn't a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the man say to the other man? Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A priest and a police officer are sitting at a bar. They both have considerable drinking problems because problems unrelated to their respective occupations. The bartender's name is Mike.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whats worse then walking into a door? getting shot in the head by a 10ft squirrel holding 44.magnum and a slice of cheese in the other

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's black, white, and red all over? An interracial man with multiple stab wounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Have you ever had Ugandan food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the Irish nun say on her deathbed? "I now realize that smoking was an unhealthy habit and I regret that I made the choice to do so." Then she died

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the blonde on the train tracks? Because she was tied up by a madman on crack.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

how do you make a baby cry? put a nail through its foot

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops