Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

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Salt is brown, Pepper is white, my kitchen is in a mess.

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speacking of cheese... steve jobs died

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Why did the chicken cross the road. Because most living organisms eventually cross some form path that is commonly known as a road. Roads are hard asphalt that is very good for cars and other wheeled road licensed vehicles.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Because Einstein said so. According to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada, where were the deceased buried? It turns out that there were passengers of several different nationalities on board, all of which were buried in their respective homelands.

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How do you put elephant in refrigerator? Open the door, and put the elephant in

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The song Barbra Streisand has more than 2 words.

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Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

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Q: Why did the mugger kill the bus driver? A: Because he had a gun.

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Why do black guys always have sex on their mind? Because they are men.

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how do you kill chuck norris? you dont, killing is illegal

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

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What is worse than a nuke exploding? Going to the hospital and finding out you have cancer and aids.

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What's the difference between an orange? A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

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What has eyes but can't see? A blind person.

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What do you get when you rape a dead baby filled with jalapeños? A lifetime in prison, and a burning penis.

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Why did the wolf cry boy? Cause he was a pedifile.

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What did the duck say when it saw a puddle? Nothing.Ducks are uncapable of speaking human speech.

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What did the boyfriend give his girlfriend for Valentine's Day? AIDS

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Friends are a lot like trees They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

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What did the Dildo say to the banana? Nothing, unless you're high on acid.

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How do you kill a blond? Shoot her in the face.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops