How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Three guys walk into a bar.....The fourth one ducks...

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You're mama's so stupid, she decided to go back to school and finish her degree in Russian Literature to improve her self-esteem and maybe -- just maybe -- save her marriage, which had been on the rocks, mostly due to her intolerable self-loathing.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the fish say after it's head was cut off? Nothing, it was a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

My peni s

thumb_up thumb_down +13

your momma is so fat she eats a lot of things

thumb_up thumb_down +13

“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? -I do not believe chickens like being questioned of their motives. We should leave them alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why were 5 tall white guys sitting on a bench? They were in the NBA

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. I'm hammering nails. Knock knock.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Where is Jew University? Berlin, Germany

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Red." "Red who?" "Red any good books lately?" Suddenly, the séance lost credibility.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did the man do when he got home from work? Hit his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What happened to the fat man on the roller coaster A: The roller coaster went slightly faster due to the laws of gravity

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Faithful men.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A blind man walks into a library.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A bartender walks into a bar. I know what you're thinking. You think he works there but that is not correct. He works at a different bar. Anyways, he buys a few drinks and leaves. He was impressed with the service.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why was a black man in a police car? He is a police officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Whats white and sticky? Glue.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why has kallum just changed clothes to speak to a counsellor because he's socially awkward and has no peers

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops