What did the asian boy's parents say when he came home with a report full of b-pluses? "You did well, but try harder next time."

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Schizophrenia will affect over 1.5 million people this year. At least, thats what my flying, albino pet rhinoceros told me.

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WHAT DOES A NUMBER DO WHEN IT'S HORNE? MATHDERBATION

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What day is it today? It's "Jack Daniels Day" according to that guy with the shopping cart filled with kittens.

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Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

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Yo momma is so fat that....actually she's quite fit and i'd love to take her out on a date.

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Why did helen kellers dog committ suicide? You would to if you had massive clinical depression.

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I'm a dog

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This is a poem, Penis knuckle.

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What did little Timmy get for Christmas after he was diagnosed with leukemia? A gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond because he was interested in redecorating.

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What's louder than a cat stuck in a tree? A foghorn.

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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How do Chinese people name their kids? They could look up a baby-names book, consult their family history, or make one up

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What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

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What's worse; twelve babies in one trash can or one baby in twelve trash cans?

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Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

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Whats long and red all over? This Cut on my arm, i should get it checked out.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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why did the boat sink the captain drove it into a pile of sharp rocks

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Is your refrigerator running? I hope so, or else the food will go bad!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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