A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this!" The doctor replies "That because there's a knife in your hand."

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Why did little jimmy fall of his bike? His grandma threw the refrigarator at him.

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what do you call 3 mexicans in the back of a car? Carpooling to work to save on gas.

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Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

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Why did God create Ebola? Because he hates us all.

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A man walks into a house, and the next day was taken to the hospital for a minor concussion and a possible vision deficiency.

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It's all Taggart

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I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

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What did the rabbi say to the Muslim? I don't know I wasnt there. But it probably had something to do with their varying religions.

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what's white, sits around all day, and sucks on tits? a baby.

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Why couldn't the dinosaur sing? Because dinosaurs are extinct

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Did you hear the joke about the vacuum? It sucks.

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A black man, a Mexican man, and a cop are walking in downtown New York. So are tens of thousands of other people, because it is a very large and diverse city.

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What happened to the mentaly challenged person is walking down the street? He pooped on the sidewalk and got escorted to his house

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Why was it raining lobsters? Because they ran out of men. Why did the basketball player miss the net? Because he was hit by a lobster

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A horse enter a bar, and the barman says: "why the long face?" The horse has cancer

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Scrooge McDuck dives headfirst into his pool of gold coins... He breaks his neck from the impact of the landing and dies.

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How do you prevent a baby from crawling all over the place? You nail his hands to the floor

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A man and a woman have drunk, unprotected sex, and 9 months later, they have a beautiful baby girl. What did they call her? An accident.

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knock knock? whose there? i dont know. i dont know who? i dont know.

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A guy walks into a bar, unfortunately for him, he walked in on a huge bar fight and managed to get the hell knocked out of him as he entered the door.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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