- Anti Joke

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.?

How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

Three muffins are walking next to each other in the dessert. The muffin on the right says "Hey now it's my turn to walk in the middle!"

What do you call a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood? His name.

So a man walking down a nature trail came across an injured fox laying on the ground in pain, it looked like it was attacked recently. There wasn't much the man could do at the time, so he gently picked up the fox and rushed the fox to his house. The man arrives moments later at his house with the fox. There were a lot of options the man could choose, but he went with a simple recipe. The man grabbed a knife and gutted the fox, removing all unnecessary organs. He then skinned the fox of it's fur. He sliced the head off, cut the legs to a stub, and stuffed it. He gave it a nice seasoning and placed it in the oven at about 350F for 6 hours. When the fox was perfectly cooked, it was taken out of the oven and left to sit for about 5 minutes to cool. He cut a chunk of meat from the dish and sat down to eat. "What a fine meal" the man said.

What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because its rayseans favorite number

Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

Howmany licks does it take till you get to the tootsie roll center of tootsie pop? Well, The answer is not constant. There are many variables that need to be taken into account. Though the ph level of human saliva is a neutral seven it can vary about 2 tenths of a point from person to person. This is a factor that needs to be considered along with the size of the tongue, roughness of the tongue, and at what speed the licking is taking place at. After taking all these variables into consideration, the average number of licks it would take untill the chocolate center of a tootsie pop is approximately, 3 .

What do Chinese kids have that African kids dont? Chinese citizenship and at least one Chinese parent.

Why did Doris need a hip replacement Because she fell down the stairs

A man went skydiving and tragically died.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, My grandmother has degenerative brain disease, We may need to euthanise her.

A ginger man ascends to heaven and reaches the pearly gates, seconds later he wakes up in a hospital bed and realizes it was merely a near death hallucination and God isn't real.

-What do you call a dog with no legs? -Call it whatever you want, it's not coming!

What does it take to shit in a shower?? To choke on a whambar and be 90 kgs!

What did the fat girl mean when she said, " last night was amaziing?" that pizza pie you shared was very well crafted and baked

I'm going to rewrite history. History.

A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? Cancer what did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that long.

whats worse than 9/11? not much haaaa

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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