A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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I have a dirty joke. Poop.

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Roses are red Violets are blue My head itches I'm going to get this guy to itch it for me

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So a baby seal walks into a club...

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Q: How do you make a baby float. A: Put it in a blender and add ice cream.

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what did the paraplegic get for his birthday? a bike...

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If Irishmen didn't walk out of bars, they would collect and eventually fill the bars of the world and would die given the bars could not support them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it has a serious crack addiction and there was a drug dealer on the other side.

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i have a black man in my family tree. i am 25% african american among several other ethnicities.

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Knock Knock The doors already open

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To rape the hen.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bar tender says" why the long face". The horse, unable to comprehend English just shits on the floor and leaves

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I like my women how I like my coffee; without a penis.

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What did Larry do when little Billys baseball crashed through his window? He raped and murdered little Billy for Larry has raped and murdered many children.

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There's a blind man walking on the south coast of England. He walks off a cliff.

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How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

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Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? ... To get to the bottom.

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What is blue and smells like the sea The ocean

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Two latino men are drinking at a bar. Suddenly, one man falls off his barstool, unconscious. Later that day, he was diagnosed with pancreatitis, and died never having dealt with his severe alcoholism.

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What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? He'd lost so much weight, due to AIDS.

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We found a cure for cancer. Death

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops