- Anti Joke

1: Why did Suzie have no arms and no legs? 2: Why? 1: Knock Knock? 2: Who's there? 1: Not Suzie

theres no 'I' in 'team' but theres an 'I' in 'hitler'

Your legs are more open than my back door! Which is closed.

What did the fat man say to the Spaniard? Nothing. The Spaniard was skinny and so the fat man was jealous and shot him in the face.

Why did Rainey fall off the swing? She had no hair.

What happen to the girl that did the splits. Her legs broke.

Why did they chicken cross the road? It didn't. A van ran it over when it was halfway across.

Contrary to the popular saying, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," if you get cancer there's nothing an apple can do...

How do you get rid of black people in your back yard? Politely ask them to leave.

Yo Momma is SO FAT, THAT she has an increased risk of cardiac arrest due to her blood pressure.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.. A: Knock Knock B: Who's there? A: Not Sally

What did the cow say to the other cow? Moo.

Three people are stranded on an island. They didn't want to eat each other because they were friends. They died of starvation.

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What can I get for you?" The man replies, "a drink"

Knock knock. Who's there? The Police. Your family is dead...

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A rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. They grab a drink and really hit it off despite their differences. After a couple years of happy dating, the rabbi, Mark, preposes. Gloria, the nun, gladly accepts. After four months, Gloria is pregnant. She dies in childbirth. The child has many illneses and dies within a week. Mark commits suicide.

Why didn't the little boy wake up today? Because he's dead

Four men are stranded on a small desert island. The first of them decides to build a raft out of bamboo, but it only has room for one passenger. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouted to the men on shore as he left, but a band of pirates killed him in the middle of the ocean. The second castaway was more clever, and built a submarine out of bamboo and sealed it with hides of animals they had killed. He counteracts the buoyant force with sand. In this way, he planned to avoid the pirates by being underwater. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he exclaimed as he sealed the one person sized chamber of his submarine, but not far off shore, he runs out of oxygen and suffocates to death. The third castaway learned from the mistakes of the first two, and in spite of the unpredictability of handcrafted aerial vehicles, he makes a glider. "Don't worry, I will get help when I reach civilization!" he shouts from the hill top of the island as he leaps off and glides over the horizon. Though the journey is fraught with peril, he makes it back to civilization and is reunited with his family. It is expensive, but he prepares an expedition back to the island where his fourth comrade remains. It is worthy to note that on this small island, all the means of making shelter had been used up in the construction of the raft, submarine, and glider. The fourth castaway was found dead from exposure to the elements.

Knock knock Who's there The police The police who? Ma'am your son is dead

whats worse than bitting into ur apple and finding a worm? bitting into ur apple an finding out u have just murded noddy and his family who were making a nice little home in there

What did the girl say in her French lesson? Miss, I don't get it, its in a different language.

A duck walks into a bar. The duck walks over to the bartender and orders a beer. "put it on my bill." he says. The bartender angrily grabs the duck and kicks him out of the bar, because the duck has done this many times, but has never once paid his bill to the bar. The duck is an alcoholic and is slowly ruining his relationship with his family.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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