What did the elephant say to the pelican? He didn't say anything. I lied.

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Omar the Magnificent is performing a huge magic show at a theater in New York City. His final trick will be to have his assistant saw him in half in front of the sold out crowd. Omar never knew how other magicians perform the trick. The crowd of hundreds watches Omar's assistant brutally murder him onstage and many require mental therapy for years to come.

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What do you call a shark on land A dead shark

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Why is a T-shirt like a topaz statue of the Archangel Gabriel? They both start with 'T'.

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Q: What do you call a black person living in the United States? A: An African American.

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is it normal to be sexualy atracted to numbers?

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What's black and white and red all over? The newspaper classified section after a man has abandoned long, futile job hunt. He has crossed out all the potential jobs with red ink. He was laid off due to the downturn in the economy and will now have to get food stamps, which is very embarrassing for a man who has worked to support his family his entire life.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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Q: What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A: I like your shoelaces!

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Why did the chicken cross the road .... The traffic light turned red

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Donald Duck walks into a drug store and asks the lady behind the counter for a bag of condoms. So the lady says, "Sure thing sir, would you like me to put that on your bill"? Donald says," THIT(Shit)NO, I'LL THUFFOCATE! (Suffocate)

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Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Because they weren't invented when he was alive.

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Why do things made by Glen taste so good? Because he has mastered the cream

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A man jumped off a cliff and wished he could fly. He was hit by a plane

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What is worse-losing your phone or failing school? Apartheid

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Why didn't Jane text James? Because she was kidnapped.

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Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

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.Ttwo guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

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Why was the Mexican running? He was being chased by border patrol!

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man 1.have u sen my girl friend man 2. yes man 1. rely man 2. no man 1. dick

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Yo momma is so ugly that she should probably consider suicide

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Suicide isn't the answer, it's just the solution. -by Ross

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"DUDE! THERE IS A KNIFE IN YOUR LEG!" "SERIOUSLY!"

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What's big and purple? Barney

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops