What do a boat and a computer have in common? Nothing

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What's dark, scary, and full of puppies? My van. I lied about the puppies...

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Why was the drunk person arrested? He said to a police officer "I'm gay, so shut up you b****."

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I completely thought you where bullshitting me, how come I never noticed before? How and why?

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A guy with a severe attention deficit walks into a bar and... oh, look, the sky is pretty... wait, what was I saying ?

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anus

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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What did the Brontosaurus say to the Triceratops? Nothing. Neither of them have ever existed.

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What does the fox say? Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding! Ringdingdingdingdingdingerding!

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Ludwig van Beethoven, John Coltrane, John Lennon, and Justin Bieber are out for lunch at a taco stand. The owner calls the police, and Justin Bieber is arrested for digging up corpses.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Some wild chickens have regular seasonal migration patterns that might require them to cross a road while traveling south. Wild chicken movements include those made in response to changes in food availability, habitat or weather.

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Bill: My vagina is itchy. Tom: You don't have a vagina. It was later found out that bill had a sex change and did have an itchy vagina, due to an STI. He later died of cancer.

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Why did a 36 year old Asian man stop in the middle of raping someone A: He realized that what he was doing was immoral and that it could scar someone for the rest of there lives and that he could serve a sentence of up to 35 years which would mean he would miss out on the special offers that QVC has to offer during this time

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You You who? Yoohoo! is anybody home?!! Well obviously or i wouldn't have talked to you. Idiots these days!

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what has 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

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Q: What's the meaning of life? A: A bush, have you ever been dragged through one? It hurts.

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What's brown and sticky? Some brown pigment mixed with something sticky like glue.

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Why was a white man mowing his lawn ? The lawn was getting undesirably long which provoked the white man.

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why is kool-aid so sweet? Because it contains sugar

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I have a friend named Jay . But for short , he likes to be called J .

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What does a Barbie Doll and Britney Spears have in common? They're both 100 percent plastic.

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What's black and shouldn't have the right to vote? Ants

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have alzheimers, cheese on toast.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Relizing its a used tampon covered with blood.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops