How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A car crash.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why couldn't jack join the football team? Jack has down syndrome

thumb_up thumb_down +33

what do you get when you cross an ant with toni? ANTONI

thumb_up thumb_down +33

If a blonde and a brunette fell off a cliff who would reach the ground first? The blonde because she was fatter.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A man and a bird are on the edge of a cliff. The man falls off and dies and the bird flies away because birds can fly and people can't.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

What's the difference between shoes and babies? You can't eat shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It thought they were playing follow the leader. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the little girl fall off her tricycle? She was hit by three monkeys and a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Roses are red, violets are blue. i have Alzheimer's, cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the blind, deaf, retarded kid get for Christmas? Spoiled.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A bear walks into a bar and kills every one

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a women.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Hey, you know what would be funny? A joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm gonna f*ck you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the mother do when she find out her daughter left for the party? Nothing. She realized her daughter was old enough to make mature descions.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

c======3

thumb_up thumb_down +29

How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None we have mexicans for that

thumb_up thumb_down +29

"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Person 1 Hey man what's up Person 2 nothing much I just impregnated your mom

thumb_up thumb_down +29

A rapist, black guy, and a homophob walk into a bar and the bartender says nice game last night kobe.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

whdid the cop say to the robber as he ran out of the bakery? I caught you bread handed

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did the plant say to the human. Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops