Why is Osama Bin Laden scared of the dark? To be honest, I don't know, and I doubt you do either. Osama Bin Laden has been a fugitive on America's Top Ten Most Wanted list for over 10 years; there is no way that you could possibly know such personal information about him if the United States government can't even locate him and prosecute him for the heinous crimes he committed against the U.S. Don't ever lie to me again.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I saw 2 jews talking. I threw in a penny and watched them fight to the death. I did the same with 2 catholic preasts exept I threw in a baby boy

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse answers, "Because I'm an alcoholic."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

kennah campion... being nice

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Do you know the difference between a dinosaur and a slice of bread? No. You're pretty stupid then.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Your mamma used to be fat till Slim Fast came out with dick flavor!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the woman accuse a black man of stealing from a bank? Because she was eating a cornmuffin on the bench across the street when she saw a black man,stealing money from a bank

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What is a dogs favorite color? Gray due to the fact that they cant see any other color

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Tom and Ralph are In a verbal scuffle. Tom: your adopted ralf! Ralph: yes! Now I have lesser chance of high blood pressure!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Who cares its a chicken, it probably got hit by a car. Go to McDonalds and get a chicken sandwich there he is

thumb_up thumb_down +23

roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Who the heck do you think you are?! Ally...duh

thumb_up thumb_down +23

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: A Woodchuck, also known as a land beaver, weighs 4-9 lbs. We can use the average weight of 7 lbs for the woodchuck. A 7 lb woodchuck would burn 4.8 calories in 15 minutes if it were engaged in chopping wood. We can make an assumption that chopping and chucking wood would burn a similar amount of calories. 4.8 calories is the same as .0191 BTU in 15 minutes or .075 BTU per hour. (British Thermal Units) Now the other variable is the type of wood you are talking about. Different types of wood and different treatments have different mass. For example, properly seasoned oak firewood should have a moisture content below 20%. Freshly cut oak wood could be as high as 90%. So obviously the moisture content will play a large role in the amount of wood chuckable by the woodchuck. For this example we will use 20% moisture seasoned oak fire wood. Since woodchucks are native to the eastern part of north america we will use White Oak. A chord (128 cubic feet) of seasoned White Oak weights between 2880 – 3710 lbs We can take the average weight and use 3295 lbs per chord or 3295 lbs/128 cubic feet. One board foot = a board that is 12 in × 12 in × 1 in One chord = 1536 board feet according to Unit Converter Pro So now we can divide 1536 board feet into 3295 lbs and know that one board foot of Seasoned White Oak is 2.14 lbs/board foot. 3295/1536=2.14. Now here is where the math gets fun. We know a 7 lb woodchuck will burn .075 BTU’s chucking wood for an hour. We also know the wood he is chucking weighs 2.14 lbs per board foot. Now the question is how many BTU’s does it take to chuck 2.14 lbs, let’s say 1 foot? According to Newton’s Second Law of Motion, the net force on an object is dependent on the mass of the object, and its acceleration during the movement. Force = Mass x Acceleration The common unit of force is the Newton (N). One Newton is the force required to accelerate one kilogram of mass at 1 meter per second per second. 1 N = 1kg m/s2, lets convert our wood chucking to metric for a bit to figure out this conversion. .97 kg = 2.14 lbs. So the woodchuck would have to exert .97 Newtons in order to move the wood one meter. If we divide this by the number of feet in a meter 3.28 we get .29 Newtons. Now we know it takes .29 newtons to move 2.14 lbs of seasond white oak 1 foot. All we have to do now is figure out the number of BTU’s in .29 newton and a quick look at Unit Converter Pro tells us that .29 newton = .00027486696489 BTU. Now we know that it takes .00027 BTU to move 2.14 lbs or one board foot of Seasoned White Oak 1 foot. We also know that a 7 lb woodchuck burns .075 BTU per hour chucking wood. Finally we simply have to divide these two figures .00027486696489 BTU to move one board foot one foot/.075 BTU per hour and we get: .0036 board feet per hour Answer: A woodchuck would chuck .0036 board feet per hour of wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood! Or not!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A guy walks into a bar. He meets a girl and they have a great time. He calls her the next day and their relationship continues for many months. Eventually they get married and have children.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Your cat was in pain after after a stack of books suddenly fell on it. It's pain is extra-strong so you give it ExtraStrength Tylenol. Guess what happens next time? Nothing. It takes only 50mg to 60mg of Tylenol to poison a cat. 1 ExtraStrength Tylenol tablet is about 10 times that amount (500mg). You killed your cat. It's dead now and there is no "next time"..

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: How fast does an F-16 fly? A: Pretty Fast

thumb_up thumb_down +23

whats orange and cant talk? an orange

thumb_up thumb_down +23

"Why is Barney purple and green?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what do you call a mexican in a coffee shop? a customer and/or worker in the coffee shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops