How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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That awkward momment when there is no Candy in the Van... <3

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Roses are Red grass is greener every time i think of you i touch my weiner

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What red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.

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A mexican, Japanese, and American man are eating lunch one day at work by the window. The Mexican says, "Wow! If I get a taco one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The Japanese man says, "Wow! If I get a bowl or ramen one more time for lunch, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The American says" If I get grilled cheese one more time, I'm gonna jump off this window!" The next day, the mexican jumped off because he got a taco. Then, the japanese man jumped off for getting ramen. Then, the American jumped off for getting a grilled cheese sandwhich. At the funeral, the mexican wife said, "Oh if i knew he was gonna jump, I would'nt have packed it." The japanese wife said, "If I knew he was gonna jump, I wouldn't have packed it either." The American wife didn't say anything because she was hit by a bus.

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why did the woman leave her husband? after years of mental and physical abuse she has decided to remove herself from the situation

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Why did the male propagate the female? Because he was drugged. Slyly, this foxy female had slipped the male the date rape drug and a dangerous amount of viagra. During intercourse, the male ripped a gaping hole in the female's stomach and killed her. He woke up confused inside a dead stinking corpse.

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Rick Ross is so fat, that he is fatter than someone who isn't as fat as he is.

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Q: What did the banana say as it was being eaten? A: Nothing. Bananas are inanimate objects and therefore are incapable of talking.

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What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

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What do you call a straight A student that takes 6 Vicodin's, 5 Percocet's, and 7 Adderalls? I don't know, but he will most likely die of drug overdose.

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What is Hitler's favourite Yu-Gi-Oh card? Blue Eyes, White Dragon.

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Why did the Mexican cross the border? To get into the USA for a better lifestyle.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, they really should be purple.

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What did the orphan say to his parents? nothing

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knock knock who's there? THE ROCKET POWERED FIST!!

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chuck norris will never have a heart attack because he has great cardiovascular health.

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What brown and sticky? A sticky turd

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Roses are grey Violets are grey I am colorblind I hate my life

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What did Helen Keller say to her friend? Nothing. If you didn't know, she was deaf and blind so she had to use Sign Language.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Evicted.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? There was no traffic for miles and the chicken was in search of basic needs.

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What happens when you get hit in the face? You get hurt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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