How do you know when your pizza is ready? When the oven timer goes off, indicating that it is done.

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Whats worse than not having fun at a party? Getting so drunk at a party that you shat in your pants Whats worse than shatting in your pants at a party drunk? Shatting in you pants twice because you were so drunk again.

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Pickles are moist.

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Jesus walks on water Chuck Norris swims through land

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. You are a prostitute. I have a dollar.

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A strange man knocks at the door He's your son

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so i was on anti joke and i read a joke, it made me laugh.

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What did the asshole say to his friend behind him? Fart

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Why did the room go dark? Somebody turned the lights off

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Chuck Norris got hit by a train. It was a very bloody and sad incident and he will be missed.

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Your mother is so morbidly obese that she greatly exceeds the necessary recommended serving sizes of each meal.

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Three men walked into a bar. You'd think one of them would of ducked?

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Why did the blonde walk into the men's restroom? Because the blonde was a man who needed to expel his feculent waste.

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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why did the boy cry because i punched him so hard in the face he shit out his teeth for the next three weeks

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Why are friends like trees? If you hack at them repeatedly with an axe, they fall over.

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Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

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roses are red violets are pink your nanas in the cowfeild with a bottle of stink... not really shes long gone.

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if there is a circle of fat people and you throw a cookie in the middle of the circle. It will be the best game of hungry hungry hippos you will ever see.

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What's big, white, and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator

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What do you call a man with multiple sexual partners? Well, first you strongly urge him to get tested for any contagious and potentially dangerous STD's that could have been transmitted from one partner's genitalia to another person's genitalia which could have very well been he himself. They could be life threatening. Oh, and call him by his first name.

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What's worse then having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe? Having a stick poked in your eye. What's worse then having a stick poked in your eye? Having a nail go through your foot. What's worse then having a nail go through your foot? Having a stick poked in your eye and a nail going through your foot.

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Three fish swim into a bar. The first one says "blub blub blub". The second one says "blub blub blub". The third one says "I'm not a fish I'm a human". What does the bartender say? Answer = Ayy Llmao _George_Bush_

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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