Why did the asian lady buy the large shirt instead of the medium? Because the medium didn't fit

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what did blonde say to the square? ur a square which is comprised of four equal sides and always have four lines of symmetry.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did Helen Keller name her dog? Well i would imagine one of various names for a domesticated animal and she would choose the name based on her likes towards nature or an element of nature, being the educated individual she i would think she may name it base on a person of importance, such as an author or maybe a writer that inspires her.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What did Stevie Wonders wife do when they got into fights? Re-Arrange the furniture

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse than having to tie one of your shoelaces after walking 5 miles? Getting a 56 year old mixture of blood, urine and sperm injected in your asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

once you go Persian, there is no other alternative

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What's worse then the bomb that went off in boston? The second one right after.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What did Mr. Spoke say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A hurt animal that should promtly be taken to the RSPCA for surgery.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What lives in holes? A: Jerks.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Q: What do you do when the light burns out A: Just replace it with a bulb from a less used room

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what is the diffrence between a chinesse man and a japanesse man, one is ruled by a cruel communist leader.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the women die? Because She was a Squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is purple pink and goes over 10000 miles per hour. Barnney in a tornado

thumb_up thumb_down +13

 

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

My mom told me I was pretty, I know now that she is a liar.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man runs into a bar and yells "Ow!!" He is hospitalized due to severe trauma to the head and spine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Why couldn't the little seven year old girl paint her finger nails? She fell in front of a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What is worse than going to school? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You know what's addicting? Heroine.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops