A man walked in to a bar, he ordered a few drinks, met some new friends and had a good laugh with them. Later that night, he got in his car and drove home, which was foolish, as he should have known that being under the influence of alcohol increases the percentage of a collision, which could take his life and the lives of others. He arrived home just fine and got in to bed with his wife who was happy to see him.

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for chrismas ? cancer

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YOUR MOTHER IS SO FAT that she sought a relevant support group. My understanding is that she tried Overeater's Anonymous and lost a few pounds, but it meant more that it improved her sense of self-worth. She's more comfortable with herself as a somewhat overweight woman, and a much happier person now. We're all very proud of her.

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Why do black people have white hands and feet? Regardless of race or ethnicity, the skin on the palms and soles of the feet is always less pigmented than elsewhere on the body. In darker skinned people this fact is readily observable, but in light skinned people this feature of human biology cannot normally be discerned by simple visual inspection.

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how many weasels does it take to change a lightbulb 0 weasels are animals and therefore are not capable of changing lightbulbs

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The little girl asks her father "Daddy why is santa fat?" "you have to exist to lose weight" he answered

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what is orange and sounds like a parrot a carrot

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Why did the black man steal purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon? Because it was the birthday of his 8 year old daughter with autism and she loves purple kool-aid, chicken and watermelon and he was very poor and wanted to make his little girl happy for once.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a glass of water. A few seconds later he drinks the water.

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Why cant white guys jump? Well that would be wrong because some can. Have you seen Blake Griffen?

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Why was the blonde fired from her job at the M&M's factory? Her Masters Degree in electrical engineering made her overqualified for the position she had.

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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If everyone in China jumped up and down at the same time they would lose all credibility as a nation for organising such a pointless excursion.

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What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

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Two guys are walking on a bridge. One has long hair. The other does not care.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It is hard to know things like that.

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What did the kid with no arms and legs get for his birthday? A bicycle.

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Why did the redneck leave his wife? To marry his daughter.

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How do you prevent a drowning..? A: You don't throw the black man in the portwater

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Knock knock Who's there Why? Why who? Why so serious?

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How do you get a one armed Polish man out of a tree? With a ladder, he needs help.

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Why did the cow cross the road? -Because it lives in India and is allowed to.

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Why did the princess kiss the frog? She really wanted a wart.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have to go to the bathroom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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