What do you call a fish without gills? Dead

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What do you say on a date with Uma Thurman? Hey Uma, pass the salt.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because it felt like it, now mind your own business!

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why was the cream sad? he was frozen and turned into a popular dessert

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why was the boy crying? cause an elephant tusked him up the ass

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adam hodgson !

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Why couldn't the little kid get to sleep? His dog was on fire

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whats the difference between a dead body and a car with doors that open in a diagnal manner one was never alive to begin with

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Two swallows migrate to Africa. One swallows initiates the conversation, that's when the other catch fire.

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A dog walks up to a puddle of pee and he starts to smell it

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How do you get a black man down from a tree? Cut the rope!

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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Beluga Whale walk into a bar. The Priest says: "Well because today is a holy holiday, I'll take a glass of white wine to celebrate." The Rabbi says: "Well, because today I have to kindle thy sacred light, I'll have a glass of merlot." The Beluga Whale then says: "Ooooooooorrrrooooooommmmmmmm....."

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Why is facebook ruining all of the world's social skills? Because Mark Zuckerberg has Asperger's.

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This ones for the dudes: Whats worse then having sex with a woman with no penis? Having se with a man

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what do you have to do to confuse a blond? Nothing

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"Hey want to hear the best knock-knock joke ever." "Sure." "Ok you start." "Knock-knock." "Whos there?" "..........."

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whats your budget like? a budget.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

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A dyslexic blind man walks into the bartender behind the bra

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Whats smells like a banana and is purple? A banana, I lied about the purple thing.

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

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Why did the woman make a sandwich? Because she was hungry.

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What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Rhyming is hard, Zebra.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops