What is white and square? A ping pong block

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whats fun,atracks children and says wrape van on it my van i lied about it being fun

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Knock Knock... Who's there? The FBI, you're going to jail. Really? No.

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When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the nun eat for breakfast? Baseballs.

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—Conversation started today— My God, why have you forsaken me? Seen 6:00 PM

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Why did sara fall out of the tree? -she had no arms.. Knock knock. -who's there? not sara.

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What did the man say to his wife before she made him a sandwhich? Do your job and make me a sandwhich.

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Donald trump walks into the whitehouse. He's there for a business meeting with the new president.

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There was an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. Now there's millions of them. And women too.

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How many people with Alzheimer's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side.

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Knock, knock who's there? Steve Evans. Steve Evans who? You've already forgotten me? We just met on Eharmony yesterday.

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Roses are red, My name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

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Yo mamas so fat, when she jumps in a pool she displaces a disproportionate volume of water.

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every man comes from between a women's legs for the rest of their lives they try to get back in

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Two ducks are in a bathtub. One duck says, "Hey, pass me the soap." The other duck says, "What do I look like, a type writer?"

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You: Did u hear the one about that guy walking into a bar? Them: No. You: He said it hurt

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Q-Whos the best server at Sonic? A-Kevin !

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A Trampoline.

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Wanna hear something funny? David is addicted to mw3 like the other 3 million people!

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All I can say is that its not the feds, and not Interpol nothing "legal" nor anything belonging to the state as far as we can tell. You all stay locked up, and I will make sure this little geek with shitty breath does not say anything about you, as for the rest, I cant say much.

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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What is the same about a Duck and a Pickle? Neither of them can ride a bike.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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