Yo mama's so fat she needed a toilet that had a bigger seat (just like me)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Some wild chickens have regular seasonal migration patterns that might require them to cross a road while traveling south. Wild chicken movements include those made in response to changes in food availability, habitat or weather.

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Knock Knock Whos There? I'p I'p who? HAHAHAHA

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Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

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1: Knock, knock 2: Go away!

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom , and you're American when you go into the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom. Ha, joke is on you because Americans don't pee.

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How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side

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What is black, white, and red all over? A zebra that was shot by poachers.

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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What happens when an antijoke and a joke comes together? Unicorns mate with Neil Patrick Harris

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What did one Platypus say to the other Platypus? Nothing, Platypuses can't talk. However, they are the only mammal to lay eggs.

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What did Buzz say to Woody? A lot. There were 3 movies.

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Why do Vampires drink your blood? Because the movie maker needed a story

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What did the chicken say to her chicks? One day I'll explain why we do this. For now, just follow me.

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What did the black man say to the white man? "I like your shirt" The black man walked off and lived out the rest of his days in peace.

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what do you call a half dead black person crawling across your lawn..............................stop laughing and reload

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yo mama has one big titty and one small titty and the call the bitch paul

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How many napkins does it take to tack to the moon? Purple, snakes don't have elbows

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A guy comes home from work every day to his wife, who always seems miserable. He decides that her unhappiness is making him unhappy aswell, so he sits her down to talk things over. It turns out she is depressed because she can't get a job and the back wheels of her wheelchair are rusting.

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Why was the homeless man homeless? He lost his house in a terrible house fire, stretching throughout his apartment building, losing his much beloved wife and kids in the horrific accident.

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boy and girl are flipping a coin, coin lands on heads, boy: get down bitch

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there's a few black guys in a car, who's driving? their dad because they're kids

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Wanna hear a joke about a baby with AIDS? It never gets old.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops