What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

mom theres a naked old man outside my window and he stole dads ladder.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: Why should you never let Jerry Sandusky babysit your children? A: Because, in November of 2011, Sandusky was arrested and charged with 40 counts of sexual abuse of young boys over a 15-year period. A man with this type of background does not seem like a an ideal choice for a babysitter.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the gir fall off of the swing? She had no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why cant little timmy ski? he was born without legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why did the chicken cross the rode? so it can get the seed that is between the two yellow lines, and then he walked back without getting hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats blue and white and red all over? The American flag

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why can't you lie to atoms? Because they make up everything!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is a pedophile's favorite thing about twenty-six year olds? There are 20 of them.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a person and one is an inanimate object

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Where was Sally when the bomb went off? Everywhere...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats funnier than 24?????????????????????????????????????????? 25

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit a talking Muffin."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats the difference between anti-jokes and regular jokes? A Fridge full of dead babies being thrown at a black man with no arms or legs swinging from a tree.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What smells like smoke, sounds like a pig, and looks like a horse? My mom's boyfriend

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

thumb_up thumb_down +12

how do you know when your in love? massive erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Waffles ate my grandma

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I've just been struck by an enormous bolt of lightning. I am covered in boils and my house is full of frogs. I strongly recommend that when referring to God, always use the upper case 'H' on all personal pronouns.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How does Helen Keller play the piano? With one hand.. She needs the other hand to sing.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops