I got stopped for speeding the other day. The policeman said I had to pay a £50 fine. I was gutted. However, later that night I had amazing sex with my wife, which helped me to take my mind off things a bit.

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What did the tramp get for Christmas? Nothing because he's Jewish.

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Whats worse then dieing and going to hell? Waking up and going to school.

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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Q: What do Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan and Captain Kangaroo all have in common? A: They are all caucasian

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Why don't flowers bite you when you pick them? Cuz they don't have a brain.

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What do you call a guy who likes men? Gay

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit.

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A: How can you tell a tree is an aspen? B: 'Cause of the way it is.

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Justin Bieber

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy, but heres my gamertag so party up maybe?

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What did the apple say to the pear? ...Nothing they can't talk...

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito is a common insect in the family Culicidae. A blonde on the other hand is a Homo sapien, a primate species of mammal with a highly developed brain, belonging to the family of great apes, along with chimpanzees, bonobos, gorillas, and orangutans

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Q:Wanna know a funny joke? A:Womens Rights

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Interviewer: Are you currently a smoker? Applicant: Are you implying that I look like a chimney?

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Why did the baby die? Lack of oxygenated blood to the brain.

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Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the dark. Because he's a grown man, and most grown men aren't afraid of the dark.

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How do you make an egg laugh? That is an irrational question eggs are inanimate object and are unable to laugh

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why shouldnt you throw a rock at a black guy on a bike? Just because its not very nice.

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Why is Skrillex bad at fishing? Because he always increases the treble input in his songs, and he doesnt have a rod.

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Why doesn't McDonald's sell hot dogs? They don't want to advertise for McWeenies.

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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What's the difference between Rebecca Black and your mom? Nope! Chuck Testa.

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What happened when the Asian girl got a B on her report card? She committed suicide

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops