Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato.

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How do you get a person to jump off a cliff? You push them.

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What do you call a black man driving a plane? A pilot, you racist.

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What is green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree and onto your head, it will kill you? A pool table.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Mike Mike who? Just kidding, it's Danny. Oh okay, come in.

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Two men walk into a bedroom. Did I mention they were gay?

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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Jesus Christ

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When life gives you lemons, you must also have a proportionally sufficient amount of both water and sugar in order to make lemonade.

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What do you call a penguin sliding down a hill how should i know.

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What did the customer say to the waiter when he found a fly in his soup? Sorry to bother you on your break, but why didn't I get a fly in MY soup?

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What did the paraplegic say when he walked? Nothing, paraplegics can't walk.

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Why did the baby die? Lack of oxygenated blood to the brain.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? You reading another one of these again?

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Why couldn't the man get a job at the daycare? Because he was a serial killer/rapist.

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What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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why did the chicken cross the road it didn't it got hit y a car

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue I've just bought a chainsaw, and I will now decapitate you.

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A White, Black, Hispanic, and an Asian man are stranded on a deserted island. They become best friends, proving race should not be a divisive factor in any community.

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I have a black friend that recently went to the doctor for a full checkup. I saw him today, and he we was dressed to the nines in a very expensive suit. "What's with the suit," I asked. "My doctor told me I'm impotent! So I thought, if I'm going to be impotent, then it'll be harder to attract a long term mate without the ability to give her children someday. So I've decided to showcase my impeccable taste in style to make up for it." He seemed really bummed out, so I gave him a hug and we went and had some ice cream.

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Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

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How do you make a dentist cry? Kill all his family.

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What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

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Three children had stumbled upon a magic slide. There was a sign on the slide stating that what ever they shouted, they would land in a pool of it at the bottom of the slide. So the first child began sliding and shouted out "JELLY" and sure enough he landed in a large pool of jelly when he reached the bottom of the slide. The next child, so excited to go down the slide began sliding down. She shouted out "LOLLIES" and sure enough she landed in a large pool of sweets and chocolates at the bottom of the slide. Finally, the youngest girl in the group mounted the slide. As she was going down she was enjoying the slide so much that she shouted "POOS POOS" forgetting the rule of the magic slide and finally landing in a large pool of excrement.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops