What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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A horse walked into a bar. The bar was part of the fence he was enclosed by.

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What do u when life gives u lemons? U put them in your iced tea.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: This is actually a really good question which leads me to wonder why the farmer let the chicken out in the first place.

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Two Jews walk into a pub. They don't order a ham sandwich.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.... Knock, Knock, Who's there?: Not Sarah

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Why did John not like his chocolate? It wasn't chocolate it was poop.

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Why did the dinosaur rent a DVD in Redbox about a sex? Because he didn't own a Blu-Ray player.

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a black guy walks into a bar and sits next to a white guy. White guy: "I don't like your kind here". Black guy: "what kind wound that be"? White guy: "the colored kind". The black guy turns away then looks back at the white guy and says", When I'm born I'm black, when I die I'm black, When I'm cold I'm black, and when I'm sick I'm black. You ( to the white guy ) when your born your pink, when you die your blue, when your cold your purple, and when your sick your green and your calling me colored???

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Why did the baby fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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what makes a knight in shining armor a knight in shining armor? he has to have armor and be a knight.

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there was a black guy and white guy, they were walking down a street to da bus stop, the bus comes by and says where yall goin and they say 21st avenue street; so they walk away and the black guy says(in a black voice): "wait buses dont talk!"

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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What did the Dad say when his daughter murdered everyone Tea you're grounded

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Your momma's so fat, when Jesus said, "Let there be light!," she had to scoot over.

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

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i'm hard

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How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, unless he's short. Then, he'll need a friend to hold the ladder for him.

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Why was Mary's turkey dry on Thanksgiving dinner? Because she left it in the oven too long.

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What is the worst party ever? Nazi.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This website is dumb Your mom is going to kill you

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A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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