What's the difference between a baby and a tea bag? Tea bags don't scream when I dip them in boiling water

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Repeat after me: Silk, Silk, Silk, What's the square root of 465?

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Alcoholic walks into a bar and then walks out because he promised his children and wife that he would straight out his life.

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Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

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What did the apple say to the pear? ...Nothing they can't talk...

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How do you stop a black man from running? You shoot his knee caps.

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What did the fruit say when it was about to be sliced in half? Nothing, fruits cannot talk, duh.

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Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

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I like my coffee like i like my women ... With big titys

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I asked my wife to make me a sandwich. I had forgotten she was dead.

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How do u turn on a lamp? Flip the switch

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An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables and asks if it can join them.

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What does a dishwasher and the holocaust have in common? Not much.

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A Frenchman an Italian and an American were setting in a bar drinking and talking. The Frenchman said he made love to his wife five times last night. She said if I died she would never get married again. The Italian said said he made love to his wife ten times last night and that she said if he ever died she would kill her self. They asked the American how many times he made love to his wife last night. He said I'm a widower. She died in the 9/11 attacks.

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Hey, I want to because you are really sweet and deserve it, and damn you are hot, but thats secondary in your case, in every case actually, otherwise I would just be doing it with meat whose soul and thoughts I hate/dislike/detest/etc, and that is not who I am. Once huh? I mean I said night/day/shower/breakfast table... Not so sure I can last for that long with a girl as hot and sweet as you for that long. Kidding, hey, best friend huh? Wow, I mean that`s really sweet, and you are really a special friend to me, but uh, to be honest, best friend? I barely know you... I hate this part of myself, I am blunt with that honesty thing, I may just have insulted you, but you know, I also need to be able to live with myself If I am going to enjoy life.

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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Q:Whats the difference between Glenn Close and a black widow? A:one is a person, the other is a species of spider.

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What color is Michael Jackson? Pale because he's dead.

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What's green, has four legs and falls from trees? A praying mantis that lost a battle and had it's frongt two legs removed causing it to lose balance and gripand plumet groundward from the tree.

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What happened to the couple that got married? They went on their honeymoon.

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the elephant asks the man, " how do u breathe out of that thing?" the man proceeds to explain to the elephant how he breathes out of his nose.

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -Jehovah's Witness. Have you heard the word of God?

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A person affected by Alzheimer's is asked a knock knock question- Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Wait what are we doing again?

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What did the legless veteran get for christmas, The same grenade that blew up his legs.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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