A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? None. It is an avian species incapable of throwing such a heavy material as wood.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?  Getting raped by a 10 foot scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Peas

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why don't dinosaurs eat other dinosaurs? They're all dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did Chuck Norris eat a sandwich? Because he was hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop 397, IF you have a big tounge

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the bear fall down? I shot it. Why did the second bear fall down? It tripped over the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the white man buy a new pair of socks? His old ones has holes.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What is a white supremacist's favorite color? It varies depending on the individual.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the slut suck a dick? Because she's a slut.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why dont they make black forks

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Who cut the cheese? It's sliced so evenly.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did one lady say to another lady we are both ladies

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why is your grandfather climbing up a pole? hes not

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A German, an Irishman, a Mexican and a Texan are flying together on an airplane over the ocean. When the plane begins to experience engine trouble, they find that there is only one parachute for the four of them! Through an amazing display of flying skill, however, the pilot is able to complete the flight and land safely.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

thumb_up thumb_down -8

your mom is so fat she is at high risk of a future heart attack and should be taken to a cardiologist

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q:What do you call a mexican witha clean record? A: Impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: How do you measure a ruler A: You don't.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Yo momma so old that she has started to look into an affordable life insurance plan to ensure all her final expenses are taken care of.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Sigh, everybody in the world hates me :( Moral: Seven billion people? Realy?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call the man with no arms or legs, swimming in the bay? Bob.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops