A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Not Suzy!!

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What do you call an attractive woman in a blender? A very rare occurrence.

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Why can't the blonde dial 911? The battery on her phone is dead and she needs to recharge it. (Good thing there's no emergency.)

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Q: if it takes a week to walk a fortnight how many pounds of oranges can you fit in a grapegruit. A: None, because there is no bones in ice cream

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The President, The Pope, and a small child are all in an airplane when the pilot announces that the plane is going to crash. They crash into the ocean and quickly remember that there is a life vest under their seats, which they promptly put on and safely inflate after exiting the cabin of the aircraft.

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dont you love porch monkeys? no.

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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why did victor have a tube on his neck he was helping james with security

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My mom farted, she also has Alzheimer's, I also have Alzheimer's. Also pizza didn't like it

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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Chuck Norris shaves with his fists. That's why he still has a beard.

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

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Why is Ray Charles always smiling? He's not, corpses rarely smile

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What makes the turtle move? It's legs.

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What's the difference between a prostitute and your mom? Your mom is a well educated lawyer who earns half a million dollar a year while the prostitute sells her own body for an extremely small amount of money.

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There was three women stuck on an island, a blonde, a brunette and a ranga. They are saved days later.

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What do you feel inside after eating an entire class of pre-schoolers? A stomach ache

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I once was an adventurer like you. But then I quit.

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A light bulb is very similar in shape to a pear. So, when you change a light bulb, don't replace it by a pear.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?? A: It depends on how hard you throw them!!

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Your mum so ugly that she isn't married

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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