Why does Chuck Norris always know the time? He bought a fancy new watch.

Your mother is so fat that she's more prone to cardiovascular disease than other people who stick to the proper BMI or body mass index

How do you get a baby to stop crying? Run it over with a lawn mower!

What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

Why did the man yell? Cause he wanted to!

What did the chicken say when it finally crossed the road? - nothing, its a chicken

What do you call a spaceman on Mars? Confused, because with the current technology it is impossible to send a human into space and onto Mars.

An Asian man walked to P.F. Changs, and asked where the bathroom is.

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

Why is it unpleasant to eat a meal with lots of basketball players? Because they will be focussing entirely on discussing tactics (especially if there is an upcoming game), and therefore will probably not be displaying good manners or making polite mealtime conversation.

Why did t chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock, knock. Who's there? The chicken

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

What rhymes with milk...milf

'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

Why did the seagull fly over the sea, It had wings.

So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

AARgh my name is AWsaing the nawant of the where of amzai Giant rabbit bunny

Why can't Michael Jackson work at a boy scouts camp? Because he's dead.

What is round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle

What do you call putting a toad in the microwave? Animal cruelty.

my penis

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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