What's the thing that freaks guys out the most? When you're about to have sex with a girl and it turns out she had a penis and it's bigger than yours

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whats black and hangs from my tree a plum

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Three guys walk into a bar. The four man hastily ducks, grabs his phone and calls the local paramedic.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, i get tired of this shit let's have some grey goose

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on a scale from voldemort to nigel thornberry, how big is your penis?

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Do homeless people get knock-knock jokes?

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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What's better than winning the Special Olympics? ...Not being retarted.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I love you a lot But you're dead and I have unhealthy necrophiliac tendencies

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whats the best anti joke ever? mine you dipshit

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What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

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A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

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A white player in the NBA. Wait...

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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What's blue and smells like sky? Sky

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My wife is so fat that I find her unattractive.

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Jesus Christ

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How did the black man start his car? He turned on the emission and lightly leaned his foot on either the accelerator or reverse pedal, depending on the position of the car.

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Q. A couple went on a boat. The boat sank. Every single person died, who survied? A. The couple.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Just use the peephole. I am.

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Did you know that Hellen Keller had a roller coaster in her backyard? Neither did she

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A priest, a rabbi and a scientologist walk into a bar. They discuss their various religious viewpoints until the scientologist gets a call informing him of his mother's death. The priest buys him a drink. Then the priest gets a call informing him of his mothers death. The rabbi buys him a drink. The rabbi gets a call. The scientologist expects it to be about the rabbi's mother dying, so he prematurely buys him a drink. It was actually the lottery commission telling the rabbi he won 48 million dollars.

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There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Damn, it's getting hot in here." The other muffing replies "Holy Shit! A Talking Muffin!"

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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