What's the difference between my girlfriend and a dead baby? I don't make out with my girlfriend after sex.

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Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

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A man walked into a bar. He got drunk and left.

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Why did the Jew lock the chest? Because that's where he was hiding the body.

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Knock knock *I need to either stop masturbating or answer the door* He's probably masturbating. *Who's there?* The other guy left. The end.

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how do you call someone? use a phone

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Why did the audience walk out of the movie? Because it had just finished.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Most poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill....Just kidding, it was only Jill. Jack had no legs

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Whats the difference between a monkey and another monkey? I dont know google it!

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A mermaid found a magic lamp at the bottom of the ocean. She rubbed it and a cat with 9 lives came out so he didn't drown.

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Q:What happened after the snake tricked Adam and Eve into eating fruit from the tree of wisdom? A: Nothing, but the three of knowledge was a whole other story though. Moral Man.

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My wife is so fat that I find her unattractive.

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Why doesn't the little boy talk to his mom? Because she smells like barbecue sauce.

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how did the woman get her baby to stop crying? she hit him with a axe

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Your mom's so fat that she is going to contract heart disease by age 30.

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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Q: Knock - Knock A: NO SOLICITORS!

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? Probably "Look out for that car," but since he has been deaf since the age of 7, his verbal skills are tenuous at best.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being brutally murdered as you are watching your guts spilling out of your body

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I have a dirty joke. Yesterday I fell in the mud.

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what is the difference between hitler and the jews? They had different religions

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey! Got any grapes?" The man then realized he was hallucinating because ducks are unable to speak proper english.

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Why did Suzy drop her ball? Because roughly 5 years ago she was part of a car crash violently tearing off both of her arms. Knock knock. Who's there. NOT SUZY!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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