What happens when you stick your hand down the jelly bean jar? The black one steals your watch.

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What happened to the girl that thought she was a mermaid? She drowned, humans can't breathe under water.

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That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you thought it gay unicorn

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A fish didn't walk into a bar, because fish cannot walk.

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what do you call 3 mexicans in the back of a car? Carpooling to work to save on gas.

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Boy: Your father must be an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth! Girl: *whispering* please don't tell anyone we are trying not to be noticed...

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Why do chickens have feathers? Because chickens are birds and birds have feathers.

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What did the black man say to the Jewish man Nothing, because they were walking on the street and did not know each other

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Q: What did the gun say to the person. A: Bang.

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What did the blind man say to the mentally challenged man when he bumped into him? Watch where you're going, retard.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't, he was hit by a car. I lied about him crossing the road.

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Why do Jew's have long noses? To dig out of the ashes.

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My mom farted, she also has Alzheimer's, I also have Alzheimer's. Also pizza didn't like it

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated? A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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Someone asked me "What rhymes with Orange?" I replied "Door hinge." He punched me.

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Your mother is so fat that she will likely eventually develop diabetes.

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Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses. Unless they are next to the trashcan where you put your little sisters diapers

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Hello, I am Sergent Henry Orange. I'm afraid your husband was shot down by an enemy aircraft. I'm sorry, he was a brave man.

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What did the Triceratops get for his birthday? Nothing. Dinosaurs are extinct.

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What is blue and has to deal with a vagina. Blue waffle you know who has that Jews But the jews got it from the gassing and the gassing got it from hitlers wifes piss but the blue waffle came from the lesbian she had sex with when she was doing her lesbian phase but the lesbian got it from her father and the father got it from his wife.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

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What's black and white and red all over? A Nazi banner.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops