What's long, hard, and in my pants? The SAT's... I lied about it being in my pants.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Bridget, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and since it is rather long, it brushes against her round breasts. Even though she is a little sweaty, you realize what a beautiful woman she is, and you decide not to kill here. You instead ask her to marry you, and after she replies "yes", with tears of joy streaming down her face, you two make passionate love in the front seat of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Why was little Timmy mauled by a bear? He poked it with a pointy stick.

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Why did the bird fall out of the sky? It had no wings.

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Q: what do you call the green and the (stone eater) animal? A:the green and the (stone eater) animal

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What's the richest fish in the sea? The one you threw a quarter at.

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What happens if you're caught strangling a purple leprechaun? You are taken to a mental institution because you have schizophrenia

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what starts with b and ends with b? The bomb i just planted in your house.

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Why did Maggie shit herself? Because she saw her son.

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what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms. Why doesnt she have arms? they got bit off by a shark. Knock knock. Who's there? Not the girl.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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Q:Whats yellow and on the floor in the bathroom? A: A Rubber Ducky

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Why was the fat man crying? He was sentenced to the electric chair for a murder he didn't commit.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Mom. Mom who? SHUT THE F**K UP AND OPEN THE DOOR!!!

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What did the doctor say to the lawyer? Nothing. They weren't even together. He was in the hospital saving people and the lawyer was in his office working on a case.

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Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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Why would Bill Clinton like Jess so much? Cause he has a vagina, smells like shit, and has cankles.

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Your mom is so fat, she weighs 732 kilograms.

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Person 1: So now that were friends on facebook, you wanna hang out? Person 2: No I'd rather not.

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what happened to the man who fell off the boat? He died!

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kathryn atkins

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Why didn't the little girl show up for school? Because she was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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