what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

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“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What do you feel inside after eating an entire class of pre-schoolers? A stomach ache

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate you so suck on poo.

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Guy 1: What the shit is that car? Guy 2: Its not a car. It's an alfa romeo

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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what did the penguin use as a napkin? a napkin

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What do u call a white hourse with no ass Penelope

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what is the difference between two trees? it doesn't matter because motorcycles don't have doors

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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There was three women stuck on an island, a blonde, a brunette and a ranga. They are saved days later.

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Who is a pussy ass bitch and is and has a chode? - Jeff Misner

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I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNET! WELCOME TO FÅG! DIE X-FÅGGOT! XD Okay Fagneto`s roll me out of here, I am done with the super important last message to uh... You? No wait that sounds wrong, stop laughing you korean piece of... Seriously sorry I am drugged, you guys put enough valium in me to kill a cow, so please roll me out... I used to have a lot of korean friend you know, but then I killed them for being korea... seriously my fingers magically type shit when I am done, please roll me out of here, and fill that... Kundalini express? Is it me or did this get even more fagneto... Get me out of here now now now no

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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A drunkard walked into a bar, and up to the bartender. He proceeded to **** the **** until he ******. I proceeded to break down in immense frustration over censorship.

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That awkward moment when you get in the van and there's no candy.

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Yo mama's like Darfur: Everyone feels bad for her, but nobody offers any substantial assistance.

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Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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What did the 11 year old boy get for christmas? A wet dream

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Why did the little girl cry? Her mom died

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours Stolen propety....

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Q: What's so funny about medical records? A: You're not the one dying.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops