Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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What do you do when a blonde takes the pin out of a grenade and throws it at you? Take cover as there is a person close to you wielding an active grenade.

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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A man visits an anti joke site looking for some humor. realizing that its not funny, he closes the window.

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a man walked into a bar today he suffers from depression from his wife leaving him and taking custody of the children on the grounds that he is an alcoholic and is unfit to raise children

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What's white and sticky? A marshmellow.

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Why did the patient die of aids disorder? Butt sex. Lots and lots of butt sex.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a bathtub? About 1 or 2, then the neighbors would phone the police and you would be arrested for infanticide.

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The turd said crazy turd so many cows have ninety two ears and it walked away to the store and drank doors while juggling feces and racist jack-o-lanterns.

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Wife says to husband, who works is programmer, "Honey get out of bed there is a bug in the bed". Husband says "ok."

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What has two legs but can't walk A paraplegic

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Actually it was me Josh brown

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Sloths

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How many babies does it take to paint a barn? It depends on how hard you throw them

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Fred: Hey man where were you last night. Steve: Why don't yo ask yo mama.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Roses are cheap Violets are on sale It's Boxing Day Please buy my flowers I really need the cash.

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You know what's funny about Fox news? Nothing. Lying to the public isn't funny at all.

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year olds? There's twenty of them.

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Whats worse than getting a B+ in Biology? Getting raped by a scorpion.

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How come Asian's are so clever? Their baby food is blended textbook paste.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? One if part of the four main food groups, and one is not.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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