why couldn't jimmy play on the swings at recess.. Because he's been dead for 5 years

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Three men of different ethnic and socio-economic upbringings enter a pub. A strange situation befalls them or a question is posed. The first two respond in turn, in manners typical of their profession or educational background. The third, however, either draws on his specific expertise and responds so as to outwit the others, or makes an egregious and pun-filled blunder, leaving himself open to mockery by his peers.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A bar walks into a man... The man begins screaming uncontrollably as the corner of the building is inserted into his anus. Brick by brick, the bar forces its way inside the man's ass, as blood begins dripping down his legs. The man knows damn well it is impossible for such a large building to be contained inside him, but he grits his teeth and forces his ass open wider. His ribs break, his lungs collapse, and his now lifeless body is stretched into the shape of the bar. The bar is almost entirely consumed before the man's skin gives way to the bulging pressure...with an explosion of blood & organs, the shredded remains of the man are slung-shot around the lot where the bar formerly stood. The bar, now soaked in a mixture of blood & organ fluid, reflects upon the failure of its experiment. For the next attempt, a man of far greater fortitude must be used, so that his body does not burst so easily. Only then will it achieve its dream of becoming the first bar to walk into a man.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: How many Jews does it take to fix a light bulb? A: 2, one to hold the light bulb and the other to turn the ladder

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A. Where was Sally during the boston marathon bombing? Q. Everywhere. www.facebook.com/wowedgy

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why is Suzie at the bottom of the cliff? Because I pushed her. Knock knock Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one at the bottom eating its way out.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why so serious ?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the surgeon say to the patient? Nothing. The patient died on the table.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was young Timmy Crying? Unfortunately he had a very rare but serious heart condition and he would probably die within a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

"What's your name?" "Josephine." "Josephine?" "No, Josephine." "That's what I said." "I know,"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into an illegal brothel. He is a cop. He takes them back to the police station and questions them in a completely asexual manner.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Presidents are black Rappers are white Welcome to 2011

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I believe you've seen enough of these already.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What is furry, red, and flat? Road kill.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how do you call someone? use a phone

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a full refrigerator? A freezer

thumb_up thumb_down -11

p

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do an eagle and a off-white light bulb have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

When is a bus not a bus? When it turns into a street

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did I get thumbs up from everyone? Answer: Because they like my anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops