Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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Did you hear the joke about the man and the serial killer? Neither did the man since he was stabbed repeatedly and thrown into the bottom of a lake.

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Your mama is so black, she contributes regularly to the NAACP and the United Negro College Fund. Her donations and volunteer work help greatly.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

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What does Michael have in common with NASA? Not a lot.

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? People that make dead baby jokes.

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you got Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and Reese Witherspoon. Which do you think is more succesful

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What did the man with a colostomy bag say after his home was destroyed in a fire? At least all my shit’s in one place.

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What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer What did he get the next year? Nothing he didn't make it that far

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what do you call an evening with richard? a waste of time

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What's worse than getting raped? getting raped by a horse in car while listening to nickelback

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What happened to the Chicken who crossed the road? It made it to the other side!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't.It got ran over by a bus.

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whats the difference between a baby and an onion? no one cries when u chop up a baby.

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why was 6 afraid of 7 7 was a serial rapist with a anger problem

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how do you kill a blond? there are many ways but every one of them is illegal and could be criminally chargeable.

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A man walks into a bar. And has a beer.

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The neighbours challenged me to a water fight so I am updating Anti jokes while i let the kettle boil.

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Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

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3 Men walk into a bar, they all order up a drink. And then they paid their tabs and left.

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So seriously you have never ever played videogames before?

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What did the african child get for christmas? Abducted.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have Alzhiemers Wait, who are you

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When life hands you lemons...you should probably get yourself checked out because life is an abstract idea...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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