- Anti Joke

Knock, knock Who's there? The electrician And about bloody time too, you'd better come in.

How do you find out the population of Mexico? The census.

what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

Q: How did the Irishman die? A: He was old.

Why did the boy have glass in his mouth? Because he was chewing on glass.

What was the black woman doing in the kitchen? She was simply washing her hands after eating dinner.

What's red and shiny? Not the holocaust

What do you do to a woman who has a black eye? Punch her in the other eye so that they match.

How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

Why did the... Timmy, your mother and I are both tired.

Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

What's worse than having no coffee at the office? Looking out the window on the 100th floor and seeing the cockpit of a Boeing 767.

What did the Japanese kid get for his birthday? Nothing, his gifts were washed away.

What's red, crunchy, and hard to chew. A brick.

Hey Eduardo Luis Torres Guerrero 36 years old of age formerly living somewhere in Washington DC (ill get an update on what the name of this place is) and the only Pedophile (in the world?) Somehow with three fucking last names. I do not like you "Edward Lewis Richardson" (yeah thats the name we know him the best by people, this is fraud in addition to everything else), you got the cops to raid my home, you got me in handcuffs because you started the rumors that I was injecting cocaine, into my stomach... Which makes as much sense as... Nothing. I am out now, asshole, its Insulin, but you know that already, since you stole my insulin pens apparently in order to inspect them (they are not even needles technically) from my office and threw them away probably since they both say insulin, and proceeded to spread rumors. (we got footage you know) Did I mention that our private detective which is gathering information regarding you as we are about to sue you (do not worry about your wife, she is divorcing you after I told her that you personally told our private detective while piss drunk that you have 11 STD`s (hell I never even heard of that many) all of them contagious, it was my moral obligation among other things. As said we are filing a case against you. Also, the work laptop on your office is not your property, and neither are the files on them (work policy) and while you have an astounding collection of pornography, they found some illegal porn including minors. Needless to say, your request for a promotion is denied, you are fired, our policy allows us to withdraw your Christmas bonus (leaving you in the negative sum, they want your car back for repossession. We are suing you while you rot in jail, your life sucks, and as soon as our detective finds out more about you, I am going to post this wherever I want for all of my staff and your family to see. And you should know how much our staff loves gossip, most of our male staff are pissed at you and want you dead and worse, this "worse" is a thing prison inmates will do to guys like you once you get there. (Sorry colleagues, employees and etc, this is all the info we got for now... Well he sells marijuana, uses cocaine (what do you know!?) is a member of an active ring of men that engage in sexual activity with male animals, his rolex is faker than his "brand new" Audi which is clearly a model from 2001, because it looks like shit and clearly states 2001 several places. And yeah staff members, I know much of this is hard to believe... Or is it? I can add more (I WILL add more) he owes money to the Russian mafia. Thats it for now, the police has not found him yet Consider this my payback Edward Lewis, I asked the cops if It was okay for me to post this, after saying "oh we know where he is, but I would not say it is morally right for you to post his personal information". Then I started typing this. This information is not personal, its what we wound on our laptop in what was your office, its what your wife is telling me as I help her move to... I wont say, its only right. And no you monster, its not at her mothers again. You know what? The information his computer alone gives us, just gets sicker and sicker, In case you are wondering who I am I am your lead attorney and supervisor, I know a thing or two about the law, and believe me, I am not the one breaking it when I share this Eduardo... (sicker as a large order of non humanoid shaped dildos, pictures of... I dont want to make out what that is... Anyways the laptop is taken into police custody as we speak, and the police will continue searching every single computer, so move away from the screen, anyone found deleting stuff will probably be associated with Eduardo, so if you have you know been watching porn or whatever, leave it be its against the rules but after this its nothing. Anyway, I am about to throw up now so I am off. Okay everyone get back to work I need to go throw up.

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

?Three men walk in to a bar. one walks with a limp. The other two make fun of him and joke of his inability to walk as well as others around him.

"I had angry birds before it was cool." -Alfred Hitchcock

Why did thomas make a big mess on the ground? Beacuse he fell of a cliff

Why does Derrek Ashmore act so feminine on his facebook statuses? Because he has a vagina so it is appropriate for him

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and floats? Nothing, its rude to make fun of disabilities.

Mugger: Give me all your money. Victim: No. Mugger: Okay. (Moves on to find his next victim)

What's the worst subject in school? None of them. You need school to get by in life. Get over it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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