Your mom is so fat that she has diabetes and if she does not stick to her medical diet, her foot will be removed, but she started binge eating because of you in the first place, and if you don't straighten our your life, you will inadvertently be the cause of your mothers death.

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I man walks into a bar. He orders a drink, takes around 13.5 minutes to drink it, then walks out. It takes him 10.7 minutes to walk home, 2.8 minutes less than he spent in the bar. When he is home, he decides to have a bath. 7.8 minutes into bathing, a radio plugged into an outlet near his tub falls into the water with him and he is killed. 29 miles away a woman sneezes twice.

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There is a hawk and a squirrel sitting in a tree. a farmer walks by with a strange package so the hawk turns to the squirrel and says nothing because he is an animal and incapable of speech, he then eats the squirrel because he is a bird of prey.

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Two chavs jump off a cliff, who wins? Neither. Leaving aside the fact that two people would jump off a cliff in any kind of competitive context is highly improbable, due to the laws of physics objects fall at the same speed and therefore both people would hit the ground at the same time, meaning that, unless either of them deployed a parachute mid way through, they would, in fact, be in a dead heat.

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Ask me if i'm a tree. Q: Are you a tree? A: No.

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How do you tell the difference between a white family, and an albino black family? The albino black family suffers from a lack of pigmentation, while the white family just has a naturally pale skintone.

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My neighour knocked on my door at 2.30am last night, can u believe it? 2.30am? How rude I thought. Luckily I was still up, playing drums.

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Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

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how do you kill justin bieber? put a bag over his head and suffercate him.

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Why was the man hit by the car? Hellen Keller was driving.

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Until further notice Penn State's take your child to work day has been canceled.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender asks "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because its a horse. It then poops on the floor and leaves

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What's worse than the holocaust? Dropping your biscuit in your cup of tea.

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Hey

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

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So this guy filled with blood, right? This caused his veins to protrude and him to bleed strongly when he cut his wrists with razors later that night- because of his struggle with depression and substance abuse.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What do you call a group of Mexicans jumping over a fence? I heat of runners trying out for the Mexican Olympic hurdle team.

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It's not ok to have intercourse with a woman who say's "No!" But what about "Let go of me!"?

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James got up from the couch, forgetting what he got up for he asked his girlfriend, Mary: "What did I get up for again?" Mary replied "To get your medicine for your amnesia."

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Knock knock! Who's there? Hitler, time to shower!

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How did the black man burn down the house. He threw a flaming match through the window.

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What did the one Brick say to the other Brick? We have the same name.

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What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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