- Anti Joke

Columbus Day... A day to remember the anniversary of Columbus enslaving America.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Two giant paint bubbles!

What's worse than finding a worm in an apple? Finding out that your girlfriend is really a drag queen and that that is why you have never had sex. -Harrison

whats white? everything thats not black, yellow, pink, red, blue, orange, purple, green, indigo, turquiose, grey, brown, khaki, gols, silver, bronze.

Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Cause he wanted to get squashed by the giant pancake.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice when he was a baby, once on concrete and once on hardwood

Why did the Cross chicken the road? Because it wasn't the way to the Lord

A man walks into a bar, the bartender says had a bad day the man says yes... he orders 10 shots goes home and shoots his neighbors

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You are a prostitute. I have a dollar.

When the poop hits the fan and you walk in with your pants around your ankles, it's a bad sign!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because grass don't eat meat.

Q. How much Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? A. None, they just steal one.

A man walks into a bar. On the way home, he is driving, careers off the road and crashes. Lesson here. Don't walk into poles

Why was the teacher having sex with her pupils? Because it was 2145 and that kind of shit is common then

why was the postman sad? because ran over a small child with his truck

How do you make a grown man cry? Fling a rubber band at him.

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side.

OK, Billy went to his friend Fred in the tree. And then went inside to get a snack. Then Fred fell out of the Tree and.....landed on a comfy mattress.

Sittin' on the couch with the morning post With a cold cup of coffee and some boring toast Thinkin' I'm-a change it up, yeah that's always fun What you reckon, Remz? A McDonald's run So we hit the couch cushions, need some dollars, friend Yo, I found a five. Man, that's Canadian. How 'bout a loonie? A twonie? A spoon or The Goonies? Oh, it's 10:25. Dude, you gotta move, G. Got the cash, got the car, got the pedal to the floor Speed limit's 25, but I'm doing 34 Going drive-thru style, man it's fast express You can call it trans fat, I call it happiness Roll up to the teller fella with a minute to spare Frenchy with a headset, "can I take your order?" A McGriddle with a little sweet and sour there, son A McMuffin, then be stuffin' muffins up in my trunk Then a tray or two of hotcakes, man I can't decide, uh... All's I know is hit them things with Aunt Jemimah How 'bout an egg fajita for some Texas flavor No drama but my momma wants a breakfast bagel Don't forget my #4, or there'll be hell to spend And I want them eggs poached like an elephant Frenchy back on the line, "is that all your order?" No it ain't, fool, I want a Coca-Cola! Get my cup of Coke and I'm-a start a riot Cuz on the cup lid, dude depressed the "diet" Check his shirt tag, and I catch the name Brian, I ain't tryin' to drink aspartame Sittin' on the couch, 'bout an hour later Pickin' at a pouch of some Now n' Laters Hardly starving, man, but I find a hunch Start the car up fast because it's time for lunch It just takes two bucks and I get what I need Two beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese "Supersize Me" said he's had enough of it But how is it bad for my heart if I'm in love with it? If you never had McDonald's, heck, well dude you should It's a party, like a Hardee's, except the food is good Just don't get a large #2, I plead with you friend Cuz it'll be a large #2 when you see it again Enter the store, first you holla, then you Pick a couple items off the dollar menu Four hot McNuggets, dessert with custard Mix the sweet n' sour with a squirt of mustard. A Big Mac attack, you can max the lettuce Paying ain't a pain, they take cash or credit Want a water? You can pay up there for spring Or get the free Grimace cup--how embarassing They say, "you're playing with a cardiac arrest, my boy" Only thing bad for my heart's when they forget my toy Now I'm-a have a milkshake, but before you rant It's made of shamrocks--now that's a plant People say it's bad, but I don't believe them McDonald's is peace--just ask Tom Friedman Momma catch me with a 'zine, and she's screaming "stop! Don't you worry, Mom, it's just my man Ray Kroc

How many blonde chicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to set the house on fire, and the other to call 119.

Dolly Parton's bobbs are so fake that they both have silicone in them.

bunnies are fluffy just like yo mama

What's worse than having AIDS? A piano falling on your left middle finger.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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