make me a sandwich! what kind?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

roses are red violets are blue some poems are good and some don't

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A man walks in to a bar, wakes up the next morning with the news that they have found a cancerous tumor in his neck.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the Mexican cross the border? To get into the USA for a better lifestyle.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

the WNBA.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A women driver prepares to park in a small space between to cars on the side of a road. She safely and flawlessy parallel parks, and proceeds to enter a nearby coffe shop for an important business meeting.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Jake likes to have tickle parties with McCauley Culkin.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is a black person's favorite food? It varies from person to person, just as with any race.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did 3 kids mom's die last year? Because they were depressed and committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock whos there? brad are you thomas brad are you thomas who? for goodness are you a parot or something

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the Muslim say to the Jew? Nothing, as he has been deaf since birth and is incapable of forming coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

LO LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOPLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOO O O O O O O OLO LOL OL O LO LO LO L OL -LOL GUY

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How do you starve a Black family? A: By not giving any Food.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did Phil Krahn cross the road? Because he is gay

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was Jenny alone? Everyone else had died in a zombie apocalypse.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A Jew was walking home one night when two thugs leapt out of the darkness and demanded his money and other possessions at gunpoint. A reflection of how dangerous our streets can be at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops