I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. But it wasn't actually getting bigger, it was just getting closer. So I got hit in the face.

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What happens when you lay a diamond in the water for two hours? It gets wet.

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Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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Why was segregation made Illegal? because its more fun to break the law

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What did the Chinese man say to the Japanese man Nothing as they have never met

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong walked on the moon and Michael Jackson appeared in court several times under charges of child molestation

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A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

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"What time is it?" "Time to buy a watch." The homeless man inquiring about the time proceeded to cry.

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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What's brown and sticky A stick

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Why couldn't Sammy ride a Bicycle? -Because Sammy is a Fish

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A jew walk's into a bar. But actually it was a Gas chamber.

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God is like semen. They're both nouns.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

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What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

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Why did the fat girl stop eating? She wasn't hungry.

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What do you call a lesbian with a penis? Justin Bieber.

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Faith, Family, Friends, those are three words.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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