I once saw my grandparents making love.. that's why I dont eat raisens

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What did a blonde and a Puerto Rican name their baby? Joshua, after the blonde's grandfather who passed away a year earlier.

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Gerald: Hey did you know I was named AFTER Abraham Lincoln? Gloria: Because he was born in the 1800's and you were born and named many years afterward? Gerald: Ah... I guess I emphasized that joke a little to much - I'm sorry this conversation happened

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2 men walk into a bar, the 3rd man ducks and ask them if they're ok

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I've never seen your mother, so I won't make any vile suggestions concerning her weight.

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How do you get the neighborhood hoodlums to stop pushing you over in your wheelchair? Brutally murder their families in front of them.

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so there is a 13 year old boy who got left home while the rest of his family was driving to colorado, so the police comes to his door, and says son your whole family has just died in a plane accident. And the boy says, but my family was driving. . . the policeman then says, i'm aware, the plane actually hit their car and only killed your family.

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Yesterday, upon the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. I saw him there again today; I've been sectioned. [L]

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What is small, slimy, and thrown in the garbage? A stillborn

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

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Where did the RICH black man go to? His home

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If Voldemort was gay who would be his partner? Happy potter

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What's green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it could kill you? A pool table

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Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use a cell phone? Because he died in 44 BC.

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Ants are the Velociraptors of the insect world.

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Whats faster than a black guy with a tv? His brother who is a dentist and drives a fast sports car.

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What's big, red and delicious? A prune. I lied about it being big, red and delicious.

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Why did the atheist start snoring in his sleep? He has a naturally small airway and fairly large tonsils.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar

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Why did the guy die. He OD on drugs

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead! Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was attatched to the monkey! Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? .....................peer pressure

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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