A man died.

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My jeans

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Why did the welshman cross the road? To violently hump sheep.

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How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your car? I don't know, you should check the zoo's surveillance camera.

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Why did the lorry cross the road? It was swerving to avoid a small child. Unfortunately the driver's reactions were too slow and he hit the kid. After a week fighting for their life in hospital the child fibaly died. There wasn't a scratch on the lorry though.

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Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

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I supported my sisters decision to get an abortion. Still would have been cool to be a dad :/

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Roses are red,violets are blue I've got aids & now so do you Merry Christmas

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Kid 1: Mama why is my name Daisy? Mama: Because when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head! Kid 2: Mama why is my name Rose? Mama: Becuase it was a nice name.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? Their color. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the plums over the hill. She was color blind.

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what did one toilet say to the other toilet? i would love to flush u

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BAr intO a wAlks… sorry I wrote that joke after walking out of a bar.

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Why did Lil' Susie leave her blue rain boots at home? Because she had stumps for legs. To attempt to wear them would only hurt her emotionally.

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"DUDE! THERE IS A KNIFE IN YOUR LEG!" "SERIOUSLY!"

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What did the orange say to the apple? “To be sentient is truly unbearable without sexual organs.”

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Person A: I think your father might be a thief, I'm not sure though. Person B: How come? person A: I cannot find my virginity. Person B: I apologize my dad taught me well.

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What happens when two Mexicans walk up to blonde and a red head sitting in car? The Mexicans attempt to smash the windshield with crowbars because they have issues with anger. The redhead turns on the car and reverses safely.

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What do 9 out of every 10 people enjoy? Gang rape.

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The Piglodocus has been featured in films such as "Jurassic Pork" and "Land before Swine".

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Your mother is so fat that occasionally she'll have more than one serving of preserves on her toast in the morning

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Q: What did the Rabbi say to the butcher? A: "Do you have the time?"

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why is caleb mears sucha perv? becasuee its calebbbb ahahahahahahah

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it was christmas and the kid waited all night. finally santa came.....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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