What did the coconut say to the lizard? Nothing, the coconut fell off the tree and killed the lizard.

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What did Chuck Norris say to the puppy? Aww what a cute dog.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, my name is cartman, kyle you're a jew

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 1, idiot.

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I hate blackniggers

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Did you hear the one about the avalanche that crashed into the bar? It was such a tragedy.

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Knock knock Who's there Guess who? Billy, is that you? Yeah baby I'm home! OMG!!!

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A Jew walks into a bar. He immediately turns around and walks out because prices at this particular high end bar are much too high for his liking.

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why was the kid laying in the middle of the baseball field? he was shot in the face then mauled by a bear.

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What stinks of shit and has money. Smelly Mc Dee I lied about the money.

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What did michael say to sam? (pedo face) YEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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There is a asian, mexican and a blonde boy at school. Every day they each get the same food for lunch. The asian always got noodles. The mexican a taco. the blonde boy got pb and j. They decide if they get this lunch again, they will jump off a cliff. The next day they get the same lunch and jump off a cliff. At their funeral the asian mom says " if i had known, i would have made her sushi." the mexican mom says " i would have made her a burrito." The blonde's dad say "hey don't look at me, he makes his own lunch."

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What did the little boy say to a stranger? Nothing. He is very shy, and his parents always said to never talk to strangers.

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You no what the biggest lie in history is? Agreeing to the terms and services whenever you sign up for a website

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What's the difference between a Lawyer and a hooker? Job description, income, and an incredibly large list of other things.

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Q: Whats worse then a minor fender bender A: Dieing a long painful death by getting stabbed 27 times then getting hit by a car and laying on the side of the rode for 2 hours then you find out that your wife was cheating on you with her your own brouther

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why did the black man start crying? because his ancestors were treated horribly

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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What happened to the girl who got an abortion? She got an infection.

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What do you call a guy wearing a white leisure suit? Mister Rourk? No, you call the dud wearing the white duds.

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Have you heard that Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street are gay? If so, than whoever told you may be mentally challenged, Bert & Ernie are both puppets which even though they resemble people with active personalities, they remain puppets and do not have a sexual oreintation.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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how do you make a homosexual man have sex with a woman? shit in her vagina

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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