I like my coffee like i like my women, blonde with big boobs.

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A dog walks into a bar. The owner got a fake service dog identification and everyone really enjoyed it.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: WHERE'S MY TRACTOR?!

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

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Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

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What can be smooth but also rough? Endoplasmic Reticulum

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How do you get 1,000 dead babies into a car? Blender How do you get them out? Straw

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Why couldn't the man make it to work? Because as he was leaving his apartment, he saw a gruesome murder on the street that was part of an ever-growing and evolving genocide. Quickly following this, he broke down into psychological turmoil and wandered aimlessly through the streets until he eventually reached a forest, where he was taken in by a wild boar and raised to believe in boar-gods. The man died peacefully while planting potatoes.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

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What happens when there is a jew next to you and you are standing on a train track? A train hits you both and you both die.

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Hi, how are you doing? Good, yourself? Fine, thanks. Have a nice day. You too, bye.

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Why did the Chicken become a medium? To talk to the other side.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding poo in your shoe.

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What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

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How many times do you have to make an ass of yourself before you look like a retard and thinking ''random'' means funny? Fuck yourself HAHAHAHAHA seriously stahp

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If you go to a restaurant and you have more food on your plate then someone who is obese, you KNOW you have too much food.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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There are 2 black guys in a car. Who's driving? The police.

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I walk in to a bar, ask for a beer, get drunk, walk away and.... hmmm.. how could I finish the joke??..

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What's worse then failing a math test? Your mom getting shot

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what happened to those kids sandusky raped? who cares

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops