Why did the policeman who's third wife just lost 20 pounds go to sleep? He was tired.

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What should you give your Italian plumber for a refreshment? Water, because he's probably working so hard that he's thirsty.

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Q: How do you make a baby float. A: Put it in a blender and add ice cream.

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Do you know what my Granddad said to me before he kicked the bucket? He said; how far do you think I could kick this bucket? Then he died.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller read? Tree sap.

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A: My dog has no nose! B: How does he smell? A: He cannot smell, because he has no nose.

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What did the kid in the wheelchair get for Christmas? AIDS.

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A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

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why are balck people black because they are

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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How do you kill a beetle? Wait outside his apartment and shoot him

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Words with two W's or N's in them are awkward and unnecessary.

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Why did the monkey eat the banana? Because it was sexually confused

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Why did the man buy his wife expensive flowers? It was their anniversary and he is a faithful husband.

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What happened to the man who poo'd too much? He started to eat less because his bowell movements started to cause him serious pain.

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Why wasent Toby at school He was hit by a tree

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Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

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Why didnt the guy eat cereal? Cause he didnt have any

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What did Tom see after taking a much need long nap? The ceiling.

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Yo momma is so fat, when she wears a bathing suit, people are like, wow, that woman is fat.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was commiting suicide.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the dead one.

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Two men walk into a bar. The first man says to the bartender "I'd like some h2o". The second man says "I'd like some h2o to". The second man died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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