How long does it take for light to travel a light-year ? A year.

what do you do when a blond throws a grenade at you? run

What do you get when you mix a polar bear and a dog? A dead dog.

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was dead.

What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

If a chicken and a half lays an egg and half in a half of a day how long does it take a monkey with a peg leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?

Q:If quizes are, "guizicles," then what are tests? A:Who calls quizes, "quizicles?"

what do you call when a penis is inside a vagina? sex

what the difference between a dog and a blue whale? im going to burn your house down

Jesse likes to jack off and lick the white stuff off of his balls and digest it

What smells like bananas but is invisible? Monkey farts

Q. Why did Lucy fall off the swing? A. She had no arms Q. Why didn't she get back up? A. She had no legs Q. Why did no one help her up? A. She had no friends Q. Why did Lucy fall off the swing A. She had no arms You: knock knock Other person: who's there? You: not Lucy

What's 1+5 2+4 3+3 4+2 5+1 Whats 6+1 If you said 6 you're stupid.

Your mom.

don't do anything i wouldn't do first

A man was walking home when a little boy ran up to him. He said "hey mister, how do you sleep apples?" Then the man wasn't sure why he asked him so he spelled it out for him "that's easy my boy, A-P-P-L-E" the little boy said "you said pee pee!" Then he laughed and ran off

How do you kill a dumb blonde? Stab them in the chest 43 times.

What did the man say when he saw his t.v. floating in the middle of the night? I must be seeing things. By logic, televisions don't float. My weary eyes must be playing tricks on me and I should probably go back to sleep.

Two men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

What do you do to vegetables to make them taste good? Nothing. They are still people, and they can't speak up for themselves.

Whats red and looks like a bucket? -a red bucket Whats blue and looks like a bucket? -a red bucket disguised as a blue bucket

Who lived in a pineapple under the sea?

What is the color of your spleen? I dont know i'm not a doctor

Seriosly. too much sex again?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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