What did the jewish man say to the Irish guy at the bar? Are you Irish?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the physicist say when he got his penis stuck in a test tube? Ah jeesh! I got my penis stuck in a test tube.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? I dont know lets go play on our bikes.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was standing up.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the chicken cross the road? it wanted to why did the bubble gum cross the road? it was on the chickens foot

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the terrorist do to the small village? Destroy it with a bomb vest.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red violets are blue i have HIV you should probably get yourself checked...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what did the apple say to the orange? :nothing because an apple is not a human organism nor an orange therefore they can not speak....

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Kade was sad. He had finally got a girlfriend when he realized he actually liked men.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Guy 1: Hey look under there Guy 2: Under what inanimate object that is physically visible and made up of atoms

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Lucy fall off the swing set? Because she died. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Lucy.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than being a Jew in the Holocaust? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Want to hear a dirty joke? Jimmy fell in mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Jimmy took a bath with Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a clown.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Justin Beiber cut his hair It had grown to long

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the bird fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the bird.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

how do you fit 100 jews in a mini ? two in the front, two in theback and 96 in the ash tray

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde go on vacation in Hawaii. They plan to swim to the next island. The brunette and redhead do it with no problem. The blonde swims halfway and realizes she is tired. She continues to swim straight ahead knowing her friends are already at the next island.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's short, white, and is sick and tired of your shit? A toilet. What's white and killed Elvis? Also a toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

whats the difference between a mexican and a bench? a beanch can support a family

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I don't know what to do! One day I'm a wig wam, the other day I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee again!" The doctor sighs and replies,"Sir, we've been over this. You have stage four periodic cancer."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: Why did the wihte man buy a burger? A: cuz he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down +2

There is a wizard standing on a street corner. A boy walks up to the wizard and says, "Can you turn invisible?" The wizard replies, "Oh, I'm not a wizard. I'm a hobo with a long beard and a bathrobe." The hobo then proceeded to begging the boy for money.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops