What do family members and a loaf of bread have in common? If you smash them with a hammer they die.

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You take a survey of all citizens that live in the country of Mexico, find the wealth of each individual person, and whoever has the most money is the richest person in Mexico.

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I wanted to burn alot of calories so i found a fat kid and set him on fire. :3

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How did little Sally break her Nintendo DS? Her abusive father repeatedly abused her and punished her until she was thrown into a stone wall. As she went into the wall she crushed by another wall and broke the DS.

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Roses are red Violets are blue These are facts that many people know

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Joker: Knock knock Batman: Who's there Joker: Not your parents

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What do you call a chicken that can't lay eggs? a rooster

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How do you paint a wall red? Throw a baby at it.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing. She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally

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what are three short words? i a am

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A blonde walked into a hair salon. She got her hair dyed black, as she is sick and tired of jokes that scrutinize those with blonde hair.

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Why did the toddler fall in the pool? He was irresponsibly left unattended outside and tripped on the edge of the pool. He died within two minutes and his parents were blamed for his death.

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John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt has a really long name.

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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Kinly twins are drunk again."

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Black people being friendly.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a disease, it's called cancer.

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whos best at KS3 irish and is sexy? tiarnan i lied about the sexy part

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how much blondes does it take to fix a light bulb 1 to buy the bulb 2 to put it up and 25 to think about what it does

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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A man walks into a bar a bartender says, 'why the long face'? the man says 'I just walked into a bar'!!!

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Why didn't the black man sit in the front of the bus Because he lives in a society where it is illegal and socially unacceptable for a person of African decent to sit in towards the front of the bus, near the driver, which is most commonly reserved for a person of European decent.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I just found out my wife has cervical cancer."

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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