- Anti Joke

A man walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. Being the only two people in this rundown watering hole, the bartender walks over slowly to the man and asks him in a depressed tone, "What would you like?" The man replies back with nervous hesitation, "Do... you mind if I have a rum and coke?" Staring off into the empty wall of the bar, the bartender sighs then says, "Eh... Why not. Your service is better than watching these reruns of MASH on this broken television. I can barely understand where all this laughter's coming from when the punchlines are covered up with static. I feel that if I could take in on how the joke was being told that it could potentially fill that void I experience in day-to-day life, but in the financial state that I'm currently in, that huge hole that I sense in daily life will never ever be filled. Every morning I wake up and try to find a way that I could escape this feeling that I have at the bottom of my stomach. You know there was a time where butterflies flew around in my gut because this television worked just so damn well, but it seems that over time the butterflies ate one too many greasy cheeseburgers and drank one too many beers." While still concentrating on the empty space of the wall, the bartender starts to tear up. he wipes the tear away then continues on with his rant. "But that isn't the only problem that I have going on with me. Every night in my vacant and almost unfurnished apartment, I would prepare myself a TV dinner in the microwave and set up my recliner so I could stare out of my window and see what's going on in my neighbor's living room. Every night I would do this and watch him have his loud and raunchy drug-induced orgies with women and animals. They would light up candles and chant right in front of the beautiful orange glow before stripping off their clothes. I know that it's a great misfortune that even I myself know what is wrong with this picture that I just described to you, and yet simultaneously, it hasn't really dawned on me yet that what I've been doing is extremely creepy and intrusive. Even walking upon this shaky and seemingly everlasting tightrope of ambivalence, I can see what's the right answer but loneliness has a strong effect on a person. Upon its very appearance, it corrupts the personal ethics of some beings. Many times I've seen quiet men turn themselves into loud and mad animals to make themselves look like alpha males. Many times I've seen celibate women strip off their clothes and show flesh all for a pervert. Sometimes I just stay here at the bar and watch TMZ. I've even sense the loneliness when I looked in some of the eyes of the celebrities'. Their acts scream loneliness as they stumble around drunk and mumble words in front of some overpriced bar. Perhaps I'm just going nuts here. It's almost like I'm having too much fun when I take in at what I've become. I've fallen into the shape of a lonely bartender of an empty, empty place. This establishment used to be so full of life but now it's all shrunken up. I apologize, sir. I know I probably told you too much information, but I'm drunk and I felt that this is the only opportunity that I'll have before i relive that feeling again. It just won't stop. It goes on and on." After staring deeply into his drink for sometime, the man digs into the inner pocket of his coat to pull out his pack of cigarettes. The bartender murmurs out to himself as he reads the cigarette box, "Lucky Strikes, unfiltered." As the man pulls out a cigarette for him and the bartender, he says, "cheer up, man. we'll make the best of it." The bartender takes one and lights up with the man in the bar. After a few drinks, the man decides that he's going to wrap it up and hit the town. As the man is leaving, he lays down a hundred dollar bill and tells the bartender to take it. The bartender smiles and says, "thanks for listening to me, sir. you've been great." The man turns around and smiles then says, "No problem. Thank you for staring into my apartment."

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

Why is Bruce Wayne named Batman and Tim Drake named Robin? They wanted to hunt bats and robins whenever someone does something bad.

Why couldn't people tell the difference between the two twins? Because they were indentical.

Men's rights Because its an anti-joke

Why do people on this website suck? Because they are n i g g e r s and jews!

there once was a man, he was old, and he had one wish...do you wanna know that wish? Well i don't know it because he died two seconds ago from a heart attack. Oh Well...

Your mother is so obese that she has over the recommended daily calorie intake on a regular basis.

Q: Why did the white mother with a newborn baby lock her car doors? A: Because a black guy walked by.

Why are Mexicans so good at jumping, swimming and running? They aren't. You're just racist.

why did a bunch of black kids play in a pile of leafs? to have fun :)

What did the jew say to the black man? I'm jewish

Stevan Hawkings walked into a bar. Ohh shit :/

What's the different between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my penis up your butthole

Knock knock. Who's there? You. You who? That's the joke.

This is an anti- joke

One day a baby hit himself on the head with a stuffed animal. I lied, it was a brick, so he died.

were did the gay guy go nowere because it was raining outside

a man walked into a bar. the bartender asked why he was annoyed. he answered " people keep on telling this joke and I'm tired of the making me get drunk

Why would a baby cry? Because it's being put through a juicer.

what do you get when you cross ruddell with a chicken? still a prick

What did the magician say to the little boy after he "cut" his mother in half. She is dead now. Your dad is on Row 4, he is crying.

there are 2 muffins in an oven one says "man its hot in here" the other says "shut up i hate this joke"

Women's Rights

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops