ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

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A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

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You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

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What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your ball sack ripped off with a grapple hook

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? If the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are because there are no replacement light bulbs, the don't have transportation, and the nearest store is 10 miles away. In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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RECTUM? Damn near spelled "Wrecked Him" the wrong way!

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Whats a movie? A moving picture.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sally. I don't know anyone by that name, please go away.

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why has kallum just changed clothes to speak to a counsellor because he's socially awkward and has no peers

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What is Mary short for? She has no legs.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing, he found his tractor and went back to work.

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a free drink, you'll wake up in my basement.

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How did the blonde trip the brunette? She stuck out her foot

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Knock Knock. Doors open

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A Holocaust joke? I did Nazi that coming...Anne, Frankly, I'm quite offended.

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Q.What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, no head, and no blood in his body? A.Dead.

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Why is this joke hilarious? Because it isn't.

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Why was the black guy sitting in the back of the bus? Because there were no more seats available in the front.

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what did mohammed say to Jesus? nothing they lived in completly different time periods

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I like my women how I like my coffee; without a penis.

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So, there's three blondes. Two of them walk into a bar. The third one missed it.

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Q: Why Marc can't run? A: Marc is a leaf.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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